Sunday, August 16, 2015

Dropping LBS Baby

So lady, you’re working out and losing weight… why do you have to broadcast it to the world?!

Since as early as 5th/6th grade, I have battled with my weight. I never saw myself as small. I saw myself as a “thick chick.” I’d like to point out that at one point when I was seeing a big girl I was fitting in a size 3. That was 8th grade. As I went through high school the battle grew worse and by the time college came and I was being referred to as the “dark-skinned girl with the big booty” I was just done inside. Mind you, I weighed 130 pounds. Hardly a “big girl” or a “thick chick”. It would be easy to point fingers about why I lacked self-confidence but at the end of the day the only question I needed to finally answer was “when am I going to face this battle?”

I started facing it this year. I’d finally gotten tired. And here is what I was tired of. I only fit into plus-sized clothes and would drop my head as I walked into plus-sized stores – praying no one saw me. I could no longer wear my wedding band and my wedding ring fit so snuggly I just stopped wearing it as well. My clothes consisted of cotton skirts and dresses because everything else was too tight and uncomfortable… they showed too many [fat] rolls! My shoes no longer fit. My bracelets no longer fit. I stopped going out because I felt like people were thinking, “wow, she let herself go!” And worst of all – I would NEVER take full body pictures. I have this beautiful family and I hid in pictures with them.

I. Was. Miserable. Tired. Depressed.

What motivated me? I saw an old classmate post before and after pictures and inquired about her journey. It took a year for her to lose and she did it the good old-fashioned way. Clean eating and working out. No pills, no diet plans. I’m an authorized distributor of Advocare so I did want to incorporate it into my new lifestyle. My other motivation was my family. I wanted to take pictures – full-body pictures and not freak out when I viewed them. But my number one motivation? I refused to let my sweet Pepper grow up hearing me talk about my weight issues.

All good but why share? It frees me! It’s my outlet. I never have shared my workouts because I knew they would stop. I also thought people who shared their workouts just wanted to brag. I chuckle at that now. This from someone who LOVES Facebook! Life has a way of sitting (sometimes knocking) you down and saying (sometimes yelling), “get a grip!” I post about my workouts and my weight loss journey as a way to shun my thoughts of laziness. “You wanna chill girl… yeah, no one thought you’d stick with it anyway.”

Sharing my journey helps me stay consistent. I post for me. Not for you and certainly NOT for any accolades. Hand to God. I truly post for me. Most posts occur when I am in the car at the gym, eyes wanting to shut, legs aching, and feelings like I can’t do it. So I find a motivational post and get out the car. Other posts occur after a workout when I’ve fought for an hour or longer WITH MYSELF. Thoughts of stopping and walking. Thoughts of how many miles are left. Thoughts of you likely walk faster than you run so why bother.

This weight battle is serious for me. It’s not fun or funny. It’s not going away over night. And so my openness about it is extremely cathartic. It’s a release. It’s me screaming back! It’s me taking control and working to win the battle once and for all. Here’s to healthy living, clean eating, nearly 30 pounds lost, and nearly 80 consecutive days of logging every bite I’ve taken!

I. Will. Drop. The. LBS!!!!!!!!!!
#droppingLBS #mommycanrun #halfmarathonmind


susan robinson said...

a truly inspirational young lady that I am proud to call a member of my family. we all love you and are so proud of your commitment to yourself and your family....a wonderful daughter, wife and you run along!

Ruth Thomas said...

U r an inspiration to all. So proud of u my daughter. Mom