Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Defining Me

I’ve been on hiatus from blog posts but articles are constantly flowing in my mind. Honestly, I’ve been trying to shy away from seemingly “deep, thought-provoking” posts to more light-hearted, feel good ones. My writings are so serious and for some reason I want to make them trendy and fun. My mind says I should write about my fun adventures because I laugh all the time these days. At the same time my heart says I am changing so much that I should share my experiences with whoever will listen because maybe, just maybe, there is one person out there who can relate and wants to break free as well. My body says, “YO, you hang out with a pipsqueak all day long, quite frankly, you need an outlet!” Alas, here goes another piece of my journey…

Recently, I sat at a community non-profit luncheon that I could not escape from quick enough. NOT because the luncheon was bad or because the company at the table was not interesting. Quite the contrary, both were absolutely lovely. But I was different. I am different. There once was a girl who was defined by how many luncheons or events she attended. She was defined by who knew her and who saw her there. She let the invitees and the folks who yelled at her from across the room define her. In truth, she let her environment define her. But this girl… this woman… sat in the room and just wanted to be at Kindermusik with her daughter. What that beautiful luncheon reminded me of was a time in my life where I lost myself and in turn lost my way. Finally in my car with a moment to breath I asked myself the following questions:

- What defines us?
- What defines you?
- What defines me?

These are the same questions I’ve been asking myself for months now. I believe we have defining moments that shape and/or completely alter our path in life. I certainly had one in June that has left me happier than I’ve been in my entire life. I am so happy with #mynewnormal that at times I find myself wondering, as I believe others do, is this real.

Ok, sidebar… isn’t it amazing that a life-altering situation can leave you incredibly happy and people think you’re faking it but if you were sad and depressed people would be content, shaking their heads in sorrow. What the heck, people? I digress! Like I tell my Pepper, FOCUS Tahnika! As I was saying, what defines me……………

What should define me? Is it easier to determine what should NOT define me? I’m no theologian, philosopher, psychiatrist, or the like but what I believe is that our morals and values should define us. My Godly, Christian morals are what I left when I started letting my environment define me and chart my path in life. I was driven to the point that I lost sight of the goal. I lost sight of me. I lost sight of love. Sadly, I lost sight of God. No more! I’ve found my faith again and in return I am finding a new me, a better me. I like this new me! The new me values love and I’m allowing God’s love to define me from within. I want to remember that my heart is priceless. It is beautiful. It is whole. My heart is special.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am learning that it doesn’t matter what role I am in, what matters is who I am on the inside. In other words, I’m not defined by the fact that I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, or volunteer... I am defined by the love I have in my heart and the way I choose to share it in each of these roles.