“Fear, chaos, and paranoia are illusions that can turn into a psychological hell and last an eternity.”
I made a cup of coffee and stared blankly out the window and answered that question as honestly as I could. I’m so dang scared of gaining weight again. I’m scared I’ll fall back into self-indulgence. I’m not sure I can lose weight by eating right alone. I am fearful I’ll never get to my goal weight. I’m scared I’ll get another blood clot and be sidelined. I’m just scared of being that “dark-skinned girl with the big booty” my whole life.
After I answered that question I looked around my house. It’s clean, but not as clean as I normally keep it. My daily prayer and meditation… it’s happening, but not as regularly as it was happening. My time to breathe, read a book, sew and craft… not happening at all. And as my husband left this morning he politely mentioned a few things I've been promising to get done… but have neglected. In truth, my drive to lose weight is all that’s really on my mind.
On Tuesday, September 1, I shared on social media that this was a new month with new possibilities…fun times ahead! Today, I choose to live that post. My possibilities are wrapped around ensuring that my life is in balance. I will get to my goal weight but not by sacrificing everything else around me. I will still eat clean, run and workout; I will stay mindful of what it takes to reach my goal. A balanced life is not an excuse to slack off now!!! But I will also be mindful that I have a life to live with responsibilities that are equally important and deserving of my time. A balanced Tahnika is a healthy Tahnika – and that is my ultimate goal!